Papua New Guinea — To Tally Nöttr Üe has learned that contrary to earlier claims, Donald Trump’s grandfather did not immigrate to the US from Germany, and his original last name was neither Trump nor Drumpf. Trump’s grandfather was born Frijole Tagobe on the island of Papua New Guinea in 1869. Tagobe immigrated to the United States in 1885.
To Tally Nöttr Üe has obtained exclusive access to research from the University of Oregon that shows that Tagobe changed his name to Trump at his point of immigration into the United States.
Tagobe nee Trump’s son, Fred Trump, Donald Trump’s father, was born in 1906. The Trump family took periodic summer vacations in Papua New Guinea, during which time Donald Trump’s father engaged in ritualistic cannibalism with the Tagobe tribe. The last documented trip made by the Trump family to Papua New Guinea was placed sometime in mid-1922.
Researchers from the University of Oregon were careful to point out that we should not apply our modern, culturally-insensitive ethics to the Tagobe tribe’s cannibalism. “In the context of their culture, cannibalism serves as a religious practice, source of nutrition, and important cultural touchstone. We must be careful not to criticize this practice based on our Western-privilege ideology, but rather accept it on its own terms. Viewed on its own terms, the sacrament of cannibalism is simultaneously terrifying and beautiful.”
When asked about his family history, Donald Trump did not immediately disavow the practice of cannibalism, raising questions about whether Donald Trump himself might have engaged in the practice.